Saturday, October 18, 2003

Color Me

Color me concerned.
I have not heard from my girlfriend since the beginning of the week. We were supposed to be in Baguio by now, trying to facilitate the resuscitation of an organization I will not name. She had acquired my services as photographer and data collector for a token sum.

Color me worried.
She doesn't just drop out of sight. Not without good reason. I disappear and my family doesn't know where the hell I am, but that's me. I'm the unproductive unemployed hippie (read: lazy) gay-loving tortured soul artist pinko. I'm supposed to go off on my own for weeks and become a living example of "what you shouldn't do/think/feel." My girlfriend's long since joined the Establishment, and is thus expected to be in this or that place at this or that time. Or at least leave word about why she can't make the meeting.

Color me angry.
It feels like every time I open my mouth I lose credibility. I begged off on a family outing (big thing if you're a Lira), reneged on prior commitments (have bridge, will burn) and delayed job interviews with people who actually wanted to see me. Because I said "I have something important to deal with in Baguio." Turns out I now have squat to do in Baguio and I have a few choice sentences to swallow.

My capacity to forgive a slight borders on the ridiculously stupid. I have made letting things pass into an art form. I can forgive anyone, anything coming forward to take responsibility for my girlfriend's seeming disappearance and this loss of face. But someone's got to give me some answers. Where is my girlfriend? What happened to the Baguio trip? Why was I made to wait and worry and most importantly renege on my promises and clan commitments for nothing?

I'm still waiting for those answers as I type.

Color me stupid.

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