Monday, April 05, 2004

Lenten Sacrifices

From where I sit, the home I share with my girlfriend looks like a sty. There're CDs on every surface I can comfortably lie on. Empty bottles of Gatorade challenge me from where they lie on the wooden table. Dirty clothes mock from every surface I can hang them from. Juggling a job and chores plus the things you want to do for your sanity is never healthy. The mess in the house is proof positive of it. I have developed a great distaste for letting trash and junk pile up for a week and then dealing with it on a day that God and the Law set aside for rest. It's ludicrous to expect me to get up well before eight a.m., work for twelve or so hours, return home for sleep only, wake up after a coupla hours and come back to the salt mines with the levels of zip and gung ho appropriate for the newly born again.

If I had wanted this life I would have signed up for the clergy. At the very least, I know I'd be contributing something to the priesthood, even if it's just fuel to the debate reagarding the nature of spirituality and our place in the cosmos.

I swear, the late twentieth century model of work is the new celibacy, the new priesthood. Sadly, I find that the worship involved is displaced. I signed up to earn a little more but not at the expense of my ricketty self. I did not sign up to solely please the great god Sales. Call me selfish, call me childish, but I see no reason why I have to subject myself to this kind of torture because everybody else thinks he "has to."

That said, I could do well to rearrange my schedule and cut out some of the things I do to keep me sane, like make out with my girlfriend or watch Babylon 5 or write my blog. After all, I really don't have to hyperstimulate my brain --with a chain of repetitive activities that absolutely have to be done, an overdose of Lipovitan plus random sources of carbohydrates and constant sensory input-- to keep myself ready to get up by 4:00 am. This is, after all, a matter of setting priorities. Asking: "What's important to you, Dex?"

Three things will happen.

1. I will master this job.
2. This job will master me.
3. I will seek another, less stressful form of gainful employment.

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