Sunday, October 30, 2005

Celebrating My Friends

When my girlfriend lowered the boom on my unsuspecting head that she was leaving me for Mr Right, I was... well, you know what that's like. I had thought I could forgive and let it all roll off of me like water off a duck's back. I surprised myself, strangely pleasantly, when I found out that I could still feel angry. "Hurt" and "Betrayed" were familiar feelings but angry... angry was almost welcome, one of the signs that pointed to my still being human.

Then I became a misogynist. I'd see a beautiful girl and then just when my appreciation would kick in, so would the little voice in my head that sounded a lot like Emperor Palpatine. Uncle Palpy would start ruining my day by telling me what biological timebombs all women are, that they will leave me for an Alpha Male as soon as I let down my guard... Mostly bullsh!t, of course, but I was vulnerable and God only knows I woulda listened to the mushrooms in my backyard if they grew mouths and started to speak.

The Japan trip did a lot for me by shutting Uncle Palpy up. I guess even his nasty dark side powers couldn't stand long against my natural sunny disposition, especially now that the impossible had happened and I'd set foot once more on foreign soil. I saw Japan the way most people never do, by literally being driven across almost two thousand kilometers worth of countryside. I remember falling in love with the greenery, the well-maintained roads, the hotels and the ramen. I came back from that trip a changed man. I had a greater feeling that I was indeed coming into my own.

I still was ambivalent about women though. Uncle Palpy was exorcised but I was still, to quote a friend, "damaged goods." I'd gotten a greater understanding of the kind of woman I wanted to be with-- not a doll-- I was still unsure as to whether I wanted to be with a woman in the first place. Y'know, with marriage and male-female relationships being the sordid, messy things they are.

Until Wednesday night the week after I arrived. A friend of mine reminded me then, subtly-specially, why a woman's smile, her touch, her regard were worth all the crap men go through just to be with one or more of the delightfully maddening creatures.

Digression: I still want Anna back.

Get by with a Little Help...
Anyway, I couldn't have made it this far out my dark tunnel of personal crap without some of my friends who've helped prop up my battered ego.

And so, my next few posts (likely every other post) will be tributes to my friends. Because many of my friends are delightfully maddening creatures themselves, I'll be featuring quite a few of them.

Please. Indulge me.


thepoet said...

I'd rather thing that being misogynous is a cliche on just trying to protect one's feelings from being hurt. I know I had been through the same as well.

How I started hatting men and wanting to hurt them as they hurt my feelings. It was a bit selfish at the time and after a while, it back fired. Karma seemed to follow us everywhere.

Having a gantlet like path to which leads us back from being known as human, may take a long while to recover.

heh.. check this site out &

Ian said...

It will take time. If you really loved her, it will most definitely take time to heal. But heal you will.

In the meantime, there are friends. Call me.