Saturday, August 23, 2014

Winning?

Seriously, who the heck keeps giving me plus ones on Google? Not that I'm complaining, but my audience is typically small, random, and occasionally Ukranian (and that one most likely a search-bot or a proxy site). I don't have fans anymore, considering what little fame I had was just fame by association with Elmer, Jio, Melvin and James.

Digression:

It's still something of a sore spot for me that there's no mention of me making the staff box in that particular Wikipedia entry, but I'm ill-inclined to start an "edit war" over something as small and petty as... I don't know...  a mention on someone's wiki page (or my place in local comics history). It's not a "big" thing but it feels kind of unfair that it isn't acknowledged. Then again, I'd wanted out of that outfit for personal reasons, and some people were probably glad to see me go.

Digression ends.  

As I was saying: no more fans, and barely two readers, at most.

I haven't been to (or won) a poetry contest since that last Love Out Loud in '03, or '04 maybe. I tied with Third Domingo, but like all my other endeavors, that poem was only good enough to get me an honorable mention that everyone forgot.

I can count the times I actually won something with the fingers of one hand, and each of these victories is something people would consider as "minor." Landing your first low-paying gig, or getting published somewhere no one reads (because the people behind the book were really running a mindless cash-grab), being some examples. Voice acting in an award-winning animated short that doesn't forward a career in voice acting, being another.

When all your life, you've been "fourth banana, or fifth banana," you start to develop a thick skin and a studied nonchalance that covers up the sore spot in your chest that you develop from only almost-winning at anything.

And the random plus ones? They feel a lot like "actually winning," even if they really fall under "almost winning" under the harsh light of objectivity, since these don't really change anything for me, beyond making me feel just a little better. Whoever you are, mister (or miss) plus-one-er, thanks. I do appreciate it. You may ultimately be someone using a Ukranian proxy, but I'll take what good I can get.

May I always do right by you.

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